struggling with inner self

Typing this while looking at such beautiful night view. Currently on the 8th floor, Kolej Rafflesia 4, UiTM Puncak Alam. Sejuknyaaaaaaa malam niiiiii. 

I love it here. Suka sangat.

Ingat lagi masa first time, mula2 check UPU for my Degree application. I did not expect much. Dah pesan awal2 dah dekat diri sendiri, whatever result you get bersyukur sangat2 yang Allah nak bagi. Because I can still clearly recall after habis SPM dulu. Nada tak dapat mana2 pun untuk UPU application. No, nothing. Alhamdulillah other than apply for UPU, Nada apply Matrikulasi jugak sebelum result SPM keluar. Rupanya memang Allah dah plan supaya Nada masuk matriks. I went to Kolej Matrikulasi Melaka in Masjid Tanah, Londang if you guys didn't know yet. Tu cerita lain nanti2 kita cerita okay!

Back to the actual story, hari yang result UPU keluar tu I have a plan with my two bestfriend Izzah Huda and Samihah. We went for a shoot with rudegrapher at Perdana Botanical Garden, Kuala Lumpur.

Shoutout to rudegrapher for aaaallllllll beautiful pictures. Love sangat! You guys can view his portfolio on his website itself or go check them out on their Instagram page (or mine :P since I uploaded some) If korang tengah cari photographer untuk shoot your event, go and contact him. Click je dekat rudegrapher okay? semua ada dekat situ.

Remember my last post? About how Samihah got an offer to further her study in Egypt? Dia balik Malaysia sekejap cuti so I planned this trip with them + photoshoot terus. One of the best idea i've came up with. 

So on our 10 minutes break before sambung shoot, kitorang semua (Nada, Arep & Naufal) check result UPU masing2 masa tu. Pastuh me being me of course la seram gilaaaaaa nak check result UPU sebab sebelum ni tak dapat so takut if check this time tak dapat jugak like the last time T___T Samihah dengan Izzah memang takyah check sebab Samihah kan dah sambung medic dekat Mesir tu pastu Izzah confirm memang sambung UIA sebab before this dia Asasi dekat UIA.

Sumpah seram memang taknak check pun kalau ikut kan sebab malu kalau tiba2 tak dapat macam mana?????? Malu tau. Dahlah dengan dorang2 sume masa tu. Dulu masa tak dapat mana2 after SPM tu pun malu bila orang tanya. Pastuh!!! sebab macam takleh tahan nak check jugak sebab Naufal dengan Arep dah check masa tu and dorang pun dah call member2 bagitau dapat mana, tanya member dapat mana.

pandang Izzah

"Zah"

"Cepat laaa bagi kau punya IC aku tolong check kan"

"T________________T"

"Takpe Nadaaaaaa kau check je Insyaallah dapat"

T_____________T

You guys had no idea how happy both of them. Wallahi.

Truth to be told, masa dapat tau kata dapat course Event Management ni. I had no idea at all pasal ape Event Management ni?????????????? Zero. Serious talk masa Izzah bagi phone dia untuk check kan ni sumpah tak rasa happy pape langsung macam biasa je????? Tapi bersyukur sebab Alhamdulillah dapat jugak tawaran from IPTA through UPU. Tapi sungguh, tak happy pun dapat sebab Event Management ni like my....... 7th choice??? out of 12. So can you guys expect what is my reaction????

Alamak jap hujan tutup tingkap jap.

Ok sambung.

HA CAN YOU GUYS IMAGINE????

(1) Nada tak tau nak rasa apa masa dapat ni other than bersyukur sebab dapat tawaran gedit???? (2) Event Management ni buat apa???? course apeni???? course untuk handle event ke? kena buat event??? tu je???? pastuh nak belajar apa course ni?????? (3) Menarik keeee course ni???? sesuai ke dengan aku??? (4) Kenapa tak dapat Sains Politik or Sains Sosial :(

Because my first until 5th choice semuanya berkaitan Sains Politik & Sains Sosial. Every-single-time I tell you, bila pakcik makcik, sedara mara, kawan2 mama abah tanya "Ha nanti nada nak sambung mana?" "Degree sambung course ape ni?" "So hows your result? Dah tau ke dapat mana?"

Each time guys, to every similar question I answered;

"Insyaallah Nada nak sambung course Sains Politik or Sains Sosial" "Doakan Nada yeeee"

Speechless beb masa tengok SARJANA MUDA PENGURUSAN MAJLIS (KEPUJIAN)

And then came this second thought, UiTM?????????

Ok lemme spill the tea to you guys. Cite sini habis sini eh sape bukak cite kite jumpa kat parking.

I have this one mind set pasal UiTM. Seriously. Sama sebijik macam apa yang Nada rasa pasal Matriks. Sebab bila orang sebut Matriks, oh mesti susah. Kalau sebut Matriks je, sumpah struggle nak mampos masuk matriks ni boleh tahan ke tak????? Matriks, bukan senang tau matriks ni. yada yada. The list goes on.

Izzah Huda, I tell you, excited nak mampos bila tengok Nada dapat UiTM. Tapi diri sendiri tak rasa pape rasa biasa je siap rasa kenapa tak dapat UKM?? UPM ke??? Pastu kalau dapat UiTM ni nanti tercampak tah dekat mana2 cane?? Kalau jauh dari rumah caneeee????? And sebab Nada rasa UiTM ni macam universiti kebanyakan yang mana 'orang2 tak pandai' dicampak masuk sini.......... you get me or not? 

Tapi kan kadang2 Nada rasa Allah plan perjalanan hidup Nada macam ni, sebab Nada rasa sekolah SMK Cheras Perdana tu teruk, budak nakal2 student teruk, banyak kes gaduh etc. Allah izinkan Nada masuk Cheras Perdana instead of SMK Bandar Tun Hussein Onn. Because I thought, Matriks tu teruk la susah la tak best la, anything worst that you guys can think of, semua matriks. UiTM ni macam ni, macam tu, tapi tuptup Allah izinkan Nada masuk UiTM.

Somehow, I think this is the way Allah nak buat Nada fikir yang semua benda Nada 'ingat'kan selama ni, semua salah. Dont chu guys think the same?

Masa MDS lagi, time ramai yang complain dekat twitter macam2, complain pasal makanan, pasal fasi, but really, I do feel at ease. Rasa tak kisah pun semua2 yang dorang complain, rasa benda2 tu biasa je takde ape pun sebenarnya. Sepanjang MDS rasa seronok sangat. Fasi baik2, makanan okay walaupun ada sehari tu tak dapat lunch sampailah pukul 7.06pm.

I already fell in love with UiTM the moment we were introduced to UiTM Di Hatiku & Wawasan Setia Warga UiTM.

Even cried on the phrase;

Watikah yang kumiliki kan kusemat di hati

Janjiku pada pertiwi untuk menabur bakti

Ku sempurnakan seikhlas hati membela negara

Doa restu ayah bondaku untuk semua

Betul orang cakap, tak kenal maka tak cinta.

:)

I'm very sure you guys have experienced benda2 macam ni jugak. Rasa sebenarnya tak patut pun dapat satu2 benda tu, tapi Allah bagi jugak. At the end of the day, baru faham kenapa ada benda yang kita mintak tapi Allah tak bagi- dan ada benda yang kita rasa kita tak perlu pun, tapi Allah bagi. kan?

"Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." Al Baqarah (216)

Um this is my business law lecturer by the way..........

 

Kawan2 baik, classmate baik2. Lecturer baik2. Roommate baik, housemate baik2. Senior baik. Alhamdulillah so far semua seronok. Petang2 boleh jogging pusing kolej, tengok sunset. Seronok sebab UiTM Puncak Alam ni besar, luas. Macam semalam, Nada ajak classmate main badminton sama2. Mulanya ajak Belle jogging sebenarnya tapi elok je nak siap turun bawah, hujan. Pastu call Belle bagitau jomla kita main badminton nak tak? Sebaaaabbbbbb sumpah nak lepas gian rasa dah lama sangat tak main badminton.

Oh by the waaaaayyyyyy, harituuuu kaaaannnnn Nada masuk KPD (Kejohanan Piala Dekan) antara course2 under Faculty of Business and Management, fakulti Nada. Nada wakil badminton untuk course Nada hehehehhe best!!!!! Tapi sedih ciked sebab tak dapat pingat :( dapat no 4. sedih. Tapi seronok sebab first time pengalaman join tournament!!! It was a good start for my first tournament kan??? selama ni main badminton dekat Uptown Sports tu je dengan genk bedmin. 

Anyway, I love it here.

You can really tell how much I love Puncak Alam by now, really.

a selfish person I am

What life has gotten me these past few days really surprised me in so many ways. I've never think of this and that could happen within time. Like usual, i've got so many things to tell you guys but i really couldn't squeeze onto my schedule the time to keep on updating my blog, on time. How sad. I wish i could be really wise to make sure everyone's know what happen to me.

But the important things i wanted to blog about today is about my dearest friend, Nur Samihah.

And for your information, she's one of the people who still, kept on reading my blog posts and if you ever happen to come across to this post Samihah, i just wanted to let you know that i am seriously missing you right now. I hope you're doing well and would never give up on what's life has in the store for you. Life wasn't that hard, Samihah. You got me, you got us and not to forget, innallaha ma'ana.

Maybe, by the time you read this it's either you're on your way to achieve your biggest dream you always told us, Izzah Huda and I or probably you are on your third year in medic.

Yeap.

Alhamdulillah, she's going to further her studies in Medic at Alexandria. Tahniah Samihah sayang. I am so proud with you, Izzah Huda too. Everyone does. We were extremely happy for you, because you deserve this. Allah knows what best for you, lambat atau cepat. The time will come.

So this one night, I was with my friend, Syahirah, were randomly chit-chatting talking about you and I suddenly

"Eh, jom call Samihah nak?"

"Jom"

Tut, tut...

Tut, tut....

"Assalamualaikum!!!!!" people who i've always called know how excited and happy I am when giving a salam.

"Hows your day?"

"What are you doing?"

and i came up to this one question, eagerly to know the answer...

"So, what is your decision for the offer letter you got the other day?"

....

"How was it?"

"Weh Nada......"

um, yea?

"I think i'm going."

1 second.

4 seconds.

7 seconds.

"SERIOUSLAAAA??????!!!!!!"

"Ye weh, Insyaallah!!"

So what should i feel now, Samihah?

I was so happy for you. But at the same time, I...... am sad.

"Tu lah, nanti kau dah tak boleh la nak cari aku."

Cried.

I cried blood.

I hate you for telling me the sad truth.

Since I was in primary school, up to my secondary school days and even until now. Kalau ada apa2 masalah and i can reach her, i will find and come to her. To cry. I love her so much that i didn't want to let her go. But doesn't want to be a selfish person I am, I wouldn't do that. To see her so happy getting the letter and go around asking people on how was it, whether she should accept it or not, making me feeling all excited for her. We've been friends for 7 years for now, and 'till Jannah Insyallah. We = Samihah + Izzah Huda + Nada. I love the two of them so much. They got a really special place in the compartment of my heart. Like really. They were so special that I didn't even know how to tell you guys. Words really can't describe my feeling for having them in my life.

I just love them so much. Lillahi ta'ala.

I wanted to grow old together with them. Seeing one's getting married, having a child, laughing together as a grandparents and brag about our grandchild with each other. I wanted to be with them in the life hereafter. I wanted to make sure, we'll do anything in this temporary Dunya for us to be together as a neighbors in Jannah.

4.04am

New Experience

I really can't make it to update my last post.

I really couldn't make it, guys. I've been busy with some commitments because in just 2 days, I'll be leaving my dearly mama & abah 😓😓 I could probably even die missing them too much. My lovely and my first ever cinta hati, my katil. My room, and literally everything that i have to leave them behind 😷 To think about it, make it even worst. I've done packing about 40% of my stuffs?? Tu pun malas nak kemas pastu bagi alasan tak sampai seru lagi. padahal taknak pegi sebenarnya

I've never been away from home without my parents. Seriously. Since I was in tadika and primary school (obviously nope) to my secondary school & upper secondary school, I am that 'budak harian' yang ulang alik dari rumah ke sekolah. Paling lama pernah keluar rumah masa kem jelah 😞😞 tu pun memang tak lebih dari 3 hari 2 malam. Pun dah rindu mama abah.

I applied for UPU tapi Allah kata tak ada rezeki, jadi Nada tak dapat UPU. I made the rayuan for UPU but the results came out in August, maybe? I'm not sure. Last year, abah asked me to apply for Matrikulasi and I did. I am glad I did. And masa keputusan permohonan matrikulasi keluar, I clicked the 'Terima Tawaran' button. Just in case. Allah knows best. I also made rayuan for UIA like what my friend, Izzah Huda told me to. Tapi mungkin nak tunggu tu lama sebab terus direct hantar ke pejabat UIA, Pj. Tapi lepastu Izzah cakap yang sebenarnya kena hantar ke UIA, Gombak. Idk. Kalau ada rezeki, Insyaallah.

Why UIA? Sebab dari tahun SPM lagi bercita2 sangat nak masuk UIA. Why? Just because.

Masa mula2 Nada dapat tau tak dapat UPU, I was questioning why? Kenapa my friend yang result lagi rendah than me dapat UPU? (tak baik kan) (don't make comparison like this people) (please) But then, it just not my rezeki and my rezeki adalah untuk masuk matriks. Well at least, I could change my perspective & way of thinking. Matriks, Politeknik, Tingkatan 6, Asasi, Diploma, Sijil & others, were the same. Alhamdulillah. Allah knows best, it is.

Few days 'till my hari pendaftaran, I have mixed feelings. I am excited untuk sambung belajar semula but at the same time rasa takut terfikir nanti macam mana suasana dekat sana??? Dapat roommate yang baik ke tak? Perangai sama ke atau yang tak best? Kawan2 dekat sana nanti macam mana? Classmates? Boleh ngam ke tak? Cikgu2 kat sana nanti (i read few blog posts about matriks yang Nada nak pergi ni and it says yang kat sana nanti tak panggil Ms., Madam, Dr. etc but cikgu) (how cute rite) ajar laju ke tak? The environment. Subject nanti Nada boleh carry ke tak? Macam2 terfikir. But all i have to do, strive for the best. Nanti dapat sambung degree tempat yang best, tempat yang Nada nak. Insyaallah, aamiin.

Like every year, every day, I hope I could make my parents proud of me.

Matriks mana? Aha. You guys have to wait! Semoga post seterusnya, I could write & post something to tell you guys how was it. Doakan Nada yang baik2! Doakan Nada terus cemerlang & istiqamah.

Talk to you guys later, adios!

my first year not celebrating teacher's day

Alhamdulillah 'ala kulli hal.

At times like this, you'll see different kind of people.

Ada yang cakap macam2 sebab nak sedapkan hati dia sendiri dan buat orang lain nampak teruk daripada dia, dengan tujuan nak sedapkan hati sendiri. In a meantime, ada yang sudi bagi semangat dan tak compare kita dengan dia, atau dengan sesiapa.

Mana2 sama je, kan?

Alhamdulillah thummalhamdulillah.

Hehe dikesempatan ni nak ucapkan Selamat Hari Guru buat seeeemuuuua guru2, cikgu2 yang pernah mengenali seorang Nada. I may be the only Nada yang cikgu2 kenal, or the only Nada yang nakal. yang paling nakal

Kalau nak ingat balik masa zaman2 sejak dari sekolah rendah, banyak betul buat masalah dulu 😂😂 Kalaulah boleh naik mesin masa Doraemon,,, hehehe tak rasa nak patah balik 😋 sebab semua yang pernah jadi dulu kenangan yang tak boleh bayar sampai bila2. Naik ke sekolah menengah.... sampailah menengah atas.

I don't take that much photos with my teachers back then. This is the best i could find. If i could realize earlier how precious those pictures are, I am surely will took more. They were more than just a teachers.

 

I've got some more pictures to be uploaded but i'm out of time so i am going to update this post tomorrow. Tapi nak kena post malam ni sebab kena post 16 mei jugak 😜


I need to sleep rn!!!! It's 10.58pm and i'm sooooo sleepy & tired. Talk to you guys later!!

To be continued....

May 12th

Was it weird to be missing someone you used to talk while you can actually talk to them?

Even right now?

Does it sounds wrong to tell people that you actually have been missing someone you meet every single day?

I mean, you used to met every single day.

Or is it just me?

Or it just the inside me who has been missing somone that bad?

I think i've been missing how things used to be,

like the old days.

Is that bad? or is that bad?

How long it has been?

2 years?

2 years and a half?

Have you ever think about why someone would come across to your life story?

Are they meant to stay or they were meant to just cross the path?

Here's a picture of me holding a fish about a year ago on my biology lab experiment,

that i was going to actually send it to you.

Pogoshippossoyo.

Coincidence

8/5/2017

Selalunya benda2 yang kita tak pernah expect akan berlaku sentiasa menjadi satu ingatan yang manis. Even on the simplest. Benda2 yang kita pernah terfikir akan berlaku tapi tak pernah meletakkan harapan yang tinggi pun, kalau terjadi kita akan rasa teruja. Apatah lagi yang kita langsung tidak pernah meletakkan harapan padanya.

It was nice meeting you yesterday. So bila kita boleh jumpa lagi?

Korean Dramas

Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.

It's really has been a year since my last post, issit??? Other than enjoying my cuti-after-spm with tons of kdramas, i've been busy with sleeping & menternak lemak, perhaps. Lepastu sampai satu tahap yang rasa "ok tokleh camni rasa macam nak buat benda lain gak selain ni" pastu terfikir why not kita update blog!!!! Since i'm done sorting out my trillions pictures and feeling like showing it off to you guys here, soooooo here i am today! Nak post dekat Instagram tapi banyak sangat. I'll be posting out random stories with picture in it too, of course. Masudnya tak tersusun ikut tarikh & bulan. Okay?

Well, guys. Mostly these are stories from 2016 okay? >.< yea i know it's already May 2017. WAIT WHAT?????????????????????????

SAMBUTAN HARI GURU, 16 Mei 2016.

AJKT Lembaga Pengawas dah bincang 2 minggu awal dengan Cikgu Shareina preparation untuk sambung dan nak buat macam mana Hari Guru ni nanti. Banyak benda yang cikgu mintak cadangan dan pendapat daripada kitorang. Macam tahun sebelum tu, senior kitorang yang handle so tahun ni, sebabkan kitorang senior jadi kitorang yang kena handle. Tahun sebelum tu diorang buat gimik James Bond style. It was precious. Semua cikgu2 terkejut and tak sangka langsung even pengetua pun terkejut 😂😂😂 A day to be remembered to all teachers, of course. Soooooo kitorang pening duk mikir ni nak buat macam mana tahun ni, ni. Kalau tak jadi macam mana??? Kalau tak surprise?? 😅

I'm the one who in charge with all these balloonnsss~~

Few things came up right before the majlis start but we manage to handle it despite all the kelambutness. Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah.

waiting for the Pentadbir to arrive for our morning routine assembly

Cikgu Khalifah & Cikgu Aishah

with Cikgu Abu Bakar this time

Oh ha! Lupa nak bagitau hehehe. Tema hari guru tahun ni cikgu2 kena pakai "Kalau Saya Bukan Seorang Guru" Cute kan!!!! Ada cikgu yang jadi maaaaaaacam, macam. Engineer etc. Tak ingat sangat dah hehehe.

with Syaza Unnie

Amir & Syaqhir who responsible for doing the surprise

Navya ^.^

my kkyoptaa juniors

Mimi & Milah 💘

💕

tengah get ready nak mula main game

Papa Ghaffar & Encik Chin

My lovely teachers from sesi petang

My teacher became a Pegawai Penjara

Done! I'm making this as my part one of cleaning my folders & files and just in case i was really bored to death and got nothing else nice to do and came up to a thought nak baca blog sendiri balik. hehehe. Wait for my next post reeeeeaaalllly soon ok?

Anyeong~