a selfish person I am

What life has gotten me these past few days really surprised me in so many ways. I've never think of this and that could happen within time. Like usual, i've got so many things to tell you guys but i really couldn't squeeze onto my schedule the time to keep on updating my blog, on time. How sad. I wish i could be really wise to make sure everyone's know what happen to me.

But the important things i wanted to blog about today is about my dearest friend, Nur Samihah.

And for your information, she's one of the people who still, kept on reading my blog posts and if you ever happen to come across to this post Samihah, i just wanted to let you know that i am seriously missing you right now. I hope you're doing well and would never give up on what's life has in the store for you. Life wasn't that hard, Samihah. You got me, you got us and not to forget, innallaha ma'ana.

Maybe, by the time you read this it's either you're on your way to achieve your biggest dream you always told us, Izzah Huda and I or probably you are on your third year in medic.

Yeap.

Alhamdulillah, she's going to further her studies in Medic at Alexandria. Tahniah Samihah sayang. I am so proud with you, Izzah Huda too. Everyone does. We were extremely happy for you, because you deserve this. Allah knows what best for you, lambat atau cepat. The time will come.

So this one night, I was with my friend, Syahirah, were randomly chit-chatting talking about you and I suddenly

"Eh, jom call Samihah nak?"

"Jom"

Tut, tut...

Tut, tut....

"Assalamualaikum!!!!!" people who i've always called know how excited and happy I am when giving a salam.

"Hows your day?"

"What are you doing?"

and i came up to this one question, eagerly to know the answer...

"So, what is your decision for the offer letter you got the other day?"

....

"How was it?"

"Weh Nada......"

um, yea?

"I think i'm going."

1 second.

4 seconds.

7 seconds.

"SERIOUSLAAAA??????!!!!!!"

"Ye weh, Insyaallah!!"

So what should i feel now, Samihah?

I was so happy for you. But at the same time, I...... am sad.

"Tu lah, nanti kau dah tak boleh la nak cari aku."

Cried.

I cried blood.

I hate you for telling me the sad truth.

Since I was in primary school, up to my secondary school days and even until now. Kalau ada apa2 masalah and i can reach her, i will find and come to her. To cry. I love her so much that i didn't want to let her go. But doesn't want to be a selfish person I am, I wouldn't do that. To see her so happy getting the letter and go around asking people on how was it, whether she should accept it or not, making me feeling all excited for her. We've been friends for 7 years for now, and 'till Jannah Insyallah. We = Samihah + Izzah Huda + Nada. I love the two of them so much. They got a really special place in the compartment of my heart. Like really. They were so special that I didn't even know how to tell you guys. Words really can't describe my feeling for having them in my life.

I just love them so much. Lillahi ta'ala.

I wanted to grow old together with them. Seeing one's getting married, having a child, laughing together as a grandparents and brag about our grandchild with each other. I wanted to be with them in the life hereafter. I wanted to make sure, we'll do anything in this temporary Dunya for us to be together as a neighbors in Jannah.

4.04am